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Dirty Water

30. January 2009 by Layne.

The Purple Coats are coming! The Purple coats are coming!

That’s right kids - in just over one week the National OPSEC Conference will land in the Alamo City, San Antonio, Texas. And thanks to the Spurs getting booted out of the Playoffs (not to mention the Swine Flu based State of Emergency in Texas) we’ll have the Riverwalk all to ourselves for the week.

But not just the Riverwalk - San Antonio is chock full of places and activities to keep you entertained and occupied during your visit: The Alamo, La Villita, Gilberts Mexican Restaurant,
Hard Rock Cafe, Six Flags Fiesta Texas, Sea World, Witte Museum, San Antonio Museum of Art, El Mercado, Durty Nellie’s Irish Pub, Schlitterbahn Water Park Resort, Howl at the Moon,
Tower of the Americas, Splashtown, Dick’s Last Resort, Kirk’s Back Yard BBQ, Mission San Jose,
Coyote Ugly, Mad Dogs and on and on…

And if you get bored with all that stuff then I reckon you can stop by the conference for a presentation or two. It’s too late a date to try to convince you to register for the conference but I can tell you that over 1,000 OPSECers have registered! It’s the biggest ever. As they say, “Everything is bigger in Texas.”

Hopefully I’ll see you there. Also, I’m quite looking forward to seeing Don Sidro, J-Ellen, A-Train, Chik, BoyToy, Auggie Doggie, Ginzo, Betty Lee, Daniel-san, Tina Di, Goodie, Lovely Linda, Aussie OPSEC, Oso, Jacko, Red, Jernandler Bong, Jimmy Mags, Joannie C., Joey H., Keef, Kirk, Knappster, Numlock, Kyle, Wisdom, Goose, The Round Mound of OPSEC, Ollie, Saddam Dancing Phil, Sarge, Petro, Tomas A., and of course, BIG SEXY.

Can’t wait!
The first one’s on me (and for me).

Keep the Faith!
Revelator

Dirty Water - The Standells

Posted in Conferences | Print | Comments Off

Long Tall Sally

29. January 2009 by Layne.

I don’t get out much. I suspect this is why my friend Bob (actually his wife Krystal) has been trying for months to set me up on a blind date with (I’m told) a very special friend of theirs named Sally. I am basically a private person and being single certainly has it’s advantages but sharing your love with someone who loves you back is a special feeling and I guess I’ve been missing that feeling more and more lately. So, after careful consideration (and more than a couple of beers with Bob), I decided to man up and agree to the blind date.

Our shared Shrimp Cocktail is fantastic (she even insisted I eat the 5th and final shrimp) and then it happened. She asked me where I worked. I answered vaguely and could tell she wasn’t impressed. This seemed to add fuel to her inquisitor fire and she let loose with what seemed to me to be something akin to what the detainees at Gitmo must go through…
Have you ever been married? No.
Do you have any kids? Not that I’m aware of.
How many jobs have you had? Seven.
Have you always lived here? No, I’ve moved many times.
What TV shows do you watch? You mean, which don’t I watch.
Where do your parents live? Somewhere in Idaho - we don’t stay in touch.
Do you have any brothers and sisters? Five brothers - seven sisters.
Where do they live? Beats me.
What would you do if Scott Baio walked in right now? Not a damn thing.
Ever use illegal drugs? No, but I can tell you there is quite a profit in selling them.
Do you smoke? Not since you got here.
Do you travel much? None of your business.
Do you live in a house or an apartment? House.
Is that your second drink? I guess so.
Do you own the house? Do any of us really “own” anything?
Have you ever been to an IKEA? Not since the incident.
Boxers or briefs? Commando.
Do you use the snooze button in the morning? No, can’t quite figure it out.
Don’t you think cell phones are just a fad? That’s a pretty stupid question don’t you think?
Do you go to church? If by “church” you mean place of worship then no.
Do you own any real estate? Disneyland - but only the third parking spot in the “Goofy” section.
What are your hobbies? Does Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder count?
How long have you known Bob and Krystal? Since the accident.
Don’t you just love their triplets Bob Jr, Rob and Bobby? Who?
What kind of car do you drive? ‘71 Chevy Vega - only six payments left till it’s mine.
Isn’t that your third drink? No, I had one when you went to the can.
Are you close to your mother? You mean sexually?
What size shoes do you wear? 9 and 10 and a half.
Have you ever been to a foreign country? I spent a night in Paris, Texas once.
Can you cook? Do I look like a woman to you?
Do you go out to movies much? Does porn count?
Don’t you think Angie and Brad should adopt a baby from Darfur? Who are Angie and Brad?
How do you feel about plastic surgery? Only if you’re working your way through college.
Home school, private school or public school? Public - kids need to learn how to fight these days.
What is with the price of gas these days? How the hell would I know?
What is your favorite color? Plaid.
Which side of the bed do you like to sleep on? The clean side.
Don’t you think President Obama is the most handsome president ever? No. I’ve always felt Van Buren had a certain undeniable sexiness about him.
Do you think Elvis is really dead? Who cares. Hip hop rules!
Four! Are you an alcoholic? Actually five, you missed one remember. Also, this is a double so I guess it’s really six. You got a problem with that?
Do you dream in color? Only my violent ‘Nam flashbacks are in color.
Any history of heart attack in your family? Oh yeah, bunches.
Do you know any martial arts? No, but I’m packing heat if you need it.
Isn’t antique shopping fun? Again, do I look like a woman to you?
Why was Charles Manson so darn angry? Not sure…I’ll ask him when we’re IM’ing tonight.

This went right on through the main course (Filet for me, Grilled Snapper with Mango for her) and much to my chagrin rolled right into dessert.

$175 bucks (with tip) and no second date. I’ve replayed the evening over and over in my head and I can’t quite put my finger on exactly what went wrong. Maybe I should have protected certain information about myself. I mean, I totally underestimated her ability to exploit my weaknesses. I guess I never really thought about how vulnerable I was or the risk I was taking on this blind date. Next time I’m totally going to come up with some ways to protect myself and who knows…maybe I’ll even get a second date.

Keep the Faith!
Revelator

Long Tall Sally - Little Richard

Posted in Vulnerabilities | Print | No Comments »

Shop Around

20. January 2009 by Layne.

“Will that be all for you today sir?”
“Yeah, that’ll do it.”
“And what is your phone number sir?”
“I don’t have one.”
“Your cell, your house, wife’s cell - which ever you prefer sir. Any one will do.”
“I prefer not to give you my phone number.”
“Fine. Can I just have your email address then?”
“No.”
“No, you don’t have one or no, you won’t give it to me.”
“That’s right.”
“Well which is it sir? Do you have an email address?”
“Yes. I have three actually.”
“Then which would you like to give me today sir?”
“Pardon me?”
“Which of your three email addresses would you like to give me sir?”
“How about none of them. Does that work for you?”
“Fine. Whatever. Your home address will do for our records.”
“Ok, go with that then.”
“Well, I need you to give that to me sir.”
“Give what to you?”
“Your home address sir.”
“You need my home address?”
“Yeah.”
“For the purchase of four triple-A batteries I am required to provide you with my home address?”
“Or a phone number, or email address. As I said, whichever you prefer.”
“As I said, I prefer none of the above.”
“Sir, you’re holding up the line.”
“That’s ok, I’m in no hurry.”

I’ve been through this little dance of denial more times than I care to remember and I’m getting damn tired of it. And even though I’m an OPSEC guy it’s not all about the information. I’m pretty confident that my home phone, cell phone, email address and home address are readily available to anyone with a reasonable understanding of how to find these things so I’m not full-on trying to protect this info.

No, the real reason is I resent that when stores request this information they try to hide the fact that the personal information they collect is going straight to the marketing department. Also, that they act like this is part of the sales process - that I must give them the information as part of the sale. Notice that they always request this information during, and not after, the transaction. And more and more people are just giving in and providing whatever information is requested by the 22 year old running the register.

Me? I pay with cash and deny all requests for information. Mostly, I just like the unbelieving look on thier faces when I say no but also I wonder what information they’ll want next. Phone, address, email seems innocent enough but now that we are used to providing this info without much thought - what will they want next year? Or five years from now?

Keep the Faith!
Revelator

Shop Around - Smokey Robinson and the Miracles

Posted in BS | Print | No Comments »

Miss You

19. January 2009 by Layne.

Hey Baby!!

I sure miss you and the kids!!!!!!!!! XOXOXOXOX I know I’ve only been here two weeks but OMG do I miss you guys. I want to be back home so bad it hurts. I miss wrestling with Dylan and (don’t tell any of my boys this) but I really do miss Shelby’s tea parties (please tell her again that daddy is sorry he broke her chair). And do I have to even go into the things I miss about you? Especially after that last email I sent!! There are times when missing you guys really gets to me but I’ve been lucky so far and have been able to find places where I can be alone. To paraphrase Tom Hanks - “There’s no crying in war!”

Thank God I’ve got my blog so I can keep the whole family up to speed about what I’m doing. I know everyone is worried about me but hopefully if they know what I’m up to they won’t worry as much. In yestersay’s blog I tried to tell them everything I could about what what I was doing in Mosul. I know it’s on the news and all over the Internet but as usual they got it all wrong - they reported we were there just to quell some uprising but we were really there trying to capture an Al Queda bad guy who was in the area. We missed him but we’re going back tonight (in about an hour actually). We’ve got some info from a cousin of his that he’s hiding out in a Mosque near the park in Central Mosul. He was tipped off last night but I think we’ll get him this time - as long as everyone keeps their damn mouths shut! Keeping a secret around here is harder than keeping your brother off Meth (how is he doing by the way?)

And can you please tell everyone that I’m doing my best to keep up with the tweets. It’s just kind of hard when you’re rolling down the highway on your way to attack a target and you’re worried about an IED blowing your ass off. I’ll do my best but please ask everyone to understand if they don’t get up to the minute tweets from me. I’m trying to kill bad guys here and tweeting may not be the first thing on my mind.

And can you tell Dad not to call me on the cell every time he hears that someone died over here - it’s getting kind of annoying. Between the tweets, the MySpace page, the blog and my daily emails - I would think that would be enough information for the whole blessed family.

Hey, I was thinking the other night about getting you that new car…Baby, if you just absolutely can’t live without a new Mini then I guess when I get back we can get one for you. I know me being over here is very hard on you so I figure it’s the least I can do. You (and the kids) are the reason I’m over here babe. I want Dylan and Shelby to know that at least one time their daddy stood up for something that was important to him - and to his country. And I’ll never tell dad this but when I put on my uniform and I see the name he gave me on it I feel that I’m carrying him with me. I know that even though he’s not much on words I know he’s proud of me and yes, even that he loves me. When I get home I’m just gonna tell him I love him and I don’t care if he says it back - I just have to say it one time - so he knows.

I’ve got to get to the mission brief now baby. Hug Dylan and Shelby for me and tell them that daddy will be home soon. I’ll twitter when we’re done and email you as soon as I get back. I have to email you - there is something important I want to tell you about - it’s great news so don’t worry but I don’t have time now to tell you - gotta run. I love you with all my heart Angel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EPILOGUE: This was Private Lindmarks last email. His unit was ambushed that night as they approached the mosque in Mosul. No one knows how the information got to the opposing force. What we do know is that 17 soldiers lost their lives that night, 9 wives were widowed and 12 children will never see their father (and one mother) ever again.

Keep the Faith!
Revelator

Miss You - The Rolling Stones