As 2009 draws to a close I thought I might ponder, muse if you will, about the state of OPSEC and all that has happened in OPSEC during the year…or I could do the third installment of my running discourse about fortune cookies.

I’ve decided on the fortune cookies…

The day was March 17, 2008 (it’s still there - check it out) - I could no longer hold back and had to do that fateful first Fortune Cookie entry. And it felt good. My basic premise was that Fortune Cookies rarely had fortunes in them. Instead they had statements about living and other such crap. Nine months later (December 5, 2008) I was fed up again and wrote the second in the series about Fortune Cookies. And now, after a stop at Panda Express the other day I am compelled to write the third in my continuing Fortune Cookie Saga…

Look, I’m a basic guy. Keep it simple. When I open a Fortune Cookie I want to see a fortune damn it! I don’t care what it says and I don’t believe a word I read but if you are going to call it a Fortune Cookie then I believe I deserve a fortune - even a weak one. Come on, I know that the McRib isn’t really rib meat - it’s just a great sauce so I’m Ok with almost right but I can’t stand by and be lied to by the Fortune Cookie wrapper itself. If they were called Words of Wisdom and Other Such Crap Cookies then I’m good with them but they are not - they are called Fortune Cookies and (I say again) I want to see a fortune damn it!

Waiting till the end of the meal (as I believe tradition requires) I opened my latest Fortune Cookie and here is what the tiny white paper had printed upon it; “Treat yourself to something of quality.” Now I’m not sure by what standards you may define “fortune” but I’m pretty sure this statement would not qualify. And just so you won’t think this was a one off aberration allow me to share a couple of more “fortunes” with you:

A smile is your personal welcome mat. Not mine - have you seen my teeth lately? A statement - and not true.

A truly rich life contains love and art in abundance. Says who? By the way - I have much love but little to no art in my life so I guess, by definition, I’m screwed out of a truly rich life. Another statement - and false.

Competence like yours is underrated. Know what they call underrated competence? Incompetence - that’s what it’s called when its underrated. Under appreciated is quite another thing. I could live with that. It’s still not a fortune though. Nope, another statement that is not only false but misleading.

Have a beautiful day. Bite me. Not even a true statement but an order. I do not take orders from cookies.

There’s no such thing as an ordinary cat. Logically, it would seem to me that at any given time there is one cat in the world who is smack dab in the middle of cat extremes. This cat then, would have to be the one who is ordinary - until he or she dies leaving the next one who is, again, the one who is in the middle of the extremes and by definition; ordinary.

You are working hard. Not a fortune and certainly not true.

You have a shrewd knack for spotting insincerity. Found it. So I guess that one is true - but still not a fortune, merely a lucky guess.

Truth be told I have received a number of “fortunes” in my Fortune Cookies over the years. Here are what I consider decent fortunes:

Now is a good time to buy stock.
Now is the time to go ahead and pursue that love interest!
You are in good hands this evening.
You will inherit a large sum of money.

See what I’m saying? To my knowledge only one of those came true but again, this is not my point. Truth in advertising - that’s all I’m looking for. When I crack it open I want a fortune damn it!

Happy New Year’s y’all.

Keep the Faith
Revelator

Lies - The Rolling Stones